prisoner by johnpring 

How We Begin

The first degree of humility, then,
is that a person keep the fear of God before his eyes
and beware of ever forgetting it.
Let him be ever mindful of all that God has commanded;
let his thoughts constantly recur
to the hell-fire which will burn for their sins
those who despise God,
and to the life everlasting which is prepared
for those who fear Him.
Let him keep himself at every moment from sins and vices,
whether of the mind, the tongue, the hands, the feet,
or the self-will,
and check also the desires of the flesh.

Rule of Benedict, On Humility
St. Benedict

endless climb by markopolis 

Humility and Discipline

Hence, brethren,
if we wish to reach the very highest point of humility
and to arrive speedily at that heavenly exaltation
to which ascent is made through the humility of this present life,
we must
by our ascending actions
erect the ladder Jacob saw in his dream,
on which Angels appeared to him descending and ascending.
By that descent and ascent
we must surely understand nothing else than this,
that we descend by self-exaltation and ascend by humility.
And the ladder thus set up is our life in the world,
which the Lord raises up to heaven if our heart is humbled.
For we call our body and soul the sides of the ladder,
and into these sides our divine vocation has inserted
the different steps of humility and discipline we must climb.

Rule of Benedict Chapter 7, On Humility
St. Benedict

Sunset2 by bluerock 

Considering Darkness and Light

Death and Family Life

I’ve posted a few emblems lately, but I’m back here in “voice” today.

The last week + was either one for the record books, or one to blot from my memory forever. Except that I know I’ll never forget it. As a maturing adult, I also know that I shouldn’t let myself forget a single moment of it, no matter how painful.

A brief, uncomfortable recap. My father, from whom I was unwillingly estranged, tragically fell asleep at the wheel of his car while driving near Elko, Nevada on Tuesday just over a week ago. His car flew off the road and he was killed instantly. Strangely, this was all witnessed by a State Trooper who was driving right behind him. Given the surrounding terrain, it seems implied that it might have been some time before the accident had been discovered, had there not been an eyewitness. There were disturbing and inconsequential details which I will omit here. They are the kinds of things that people can’t seem to restrain themselves from telling you, and that you will never forget. Keep that in mind if you ever have to bear bad news. Keep It Simple Stupid.

So I live with the irony of knowing more about my father’s split-second death than I know of his life during the past ten years. As I implied in previous blog entries, I had tried to reconcile with my father, but he had not received me. It’s a sad thing, but in the last week and a half, I have been comforted beyond measure by bloggers, strangers, friends and family. Perhaps most profoundly, I have been reassured by a sense of a very near, very real heavenly father who understands and loves both me and the man who forgot how to call me daughter. I have been reminded that in heaven, there is grace enough to cover misunderstandings. There is true reconciliation there.

a father's love 

pumpkins 

My beloved, so talented and generous in so many ways, also turns out to be a phenomenal cook. What can the man NOT do? (Get tired of me, apparently). He grilled the turkey outdoors, made an amazing stuffing with homegrown German herbs and whipped up mashed potatoes with cream cheese, garlic and chives. There was also the essential, delicious green bean casserole. I made my best offering of scalloped corn, sweet potatoes with cream, butter, brown sugar and pecans, as well as the apple and cranberry relish. There were pumpkin, pecan and sour cream raisin pies. My beloved set the table and served up champagne.

champagne 

champagne and cranberries 

In attendance were my dear mother and stepdad, my daughter and her husband and my true love, the next Emeril.

Emeril 

Note: My beloved is similarly dark-haired, but better-looking. Sorry, Emeril. My dear one also doesn’t answer his shoe when the phone rings, a promising sign for our future together.

And oh, yes, there was also grateful, grateful me.

We prayed and ate and laughed and watched movies and played games together.

monopoly 

Several times, I got to put my arms around my mother, then my daughter. I was an intergenerational love-sandwich. We called my son in New York and told him we loved him. We told and retold and embellished stories. What bliss.

How could I ask for more? How could I be more thankful? I really couldn’t.

So you see? Even with the loss, all is well in my little world. Anything in this missal that at first sounded like a complaint is really just setting of context, laying in of background. Because just as I set down the dark tones in my paintings before I cast in the brights, the depth in my life can only be seen the same way. The somber and sad things are truly present. They don’t disappear by my wishing and sometimes they make me cry. Sometimes I feel apprehensive about whether they will take over the entire picture. But God in his infinite goodness casts brilliant blessings through my life like light and oh, oh the color and the depth. See how he does it, in nature and in life?

sunset3bybluerock 

I am truly blessed.

On Light and Darkness

Light and Darkness

I’ve posted a few emblems lately, but I’m back here in “voice” today.

The last week + was either one for the record books, or one to blot from my memory forever. Except that I know I’ll never forget it. Being a maturing adult, I also know that I shouldn’t let myself forget a single moment of it, no matter how painful.

A brief, uncomfortable recap. My father, from whom I was unwillingly estranged, tragically fell asleep at the wheel of his car while driving near Elko, Nevada on Tuesday just over a week ago. His car flew off the road and he was killed instantly. Strangely, this was all witnessed by a State Trooper who was driving right behind him. Given the surrounding terrain, it seems implied that it might have been some time before the accident had been discovered, had there not been an eyewitness. There were disturbing and inconsequential details which I will omit here. They are the kinds of things that people can’t seem to restrain themselves from telling you, and that you will never forget. Keep that in mind if you ever have to bear bad news. Keep It Simple Stupid.

So I live with the irony of knowing more about my father’s split-second death than I know of his life during the past ten years. As I implied in previous blog entries, I had tried to reconcile with my father, but he had not received me. It’s a sad thing, but in the last week and a half, I have been comforted beyond measure by bloggers, strangers, friends and family. Perhaps most profoundly, I have been reassured by a sense of a very near, very real heavenly father who understands and loves both me and the man who forgot how to call me daughter. I have been reminded that in heaven, there is grace enough to cover misunderstandings. There is true reconciliation there.

praying by eyeboz 

What to say?

One Prayer

"If the only prayer you say in your entire life is 'thank you,' that would suffice."

Meister Eckhart

hiding by faerietail 

Hide and Seek

"God is like a person who clears his throat while hiding and so gives himself away. God lies in wait for us with nothing so much as love."

Meister Eckhart

cross by vnhsnh 

Stay

A Holy Resolve

Believe me; make a holy and firm resolve never voluntarily to withdraw yourself from God's grace from this time on.

Live the rest of your days in God's holy presence, even if He judges it fitting to deprive you of all consolations of Heaven and earth for the sake of His love.

Brother Lawrence
The Practice of the Presence of God

by EnigmaZ 

With gratitude for your prayers

Hope from the family of God

When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Psalm 94:19

Daddy and me 

A Father's Blessing, Withheld

Now that He's Gone

Last night I received a phone call, the one that you pray to God you never receive.
My father was killed in a car accident.

Caught In a dramatic relationship that could only be paralleled in King Lear, my father and I were estranged. I had tried, simply and sincerely, numerous times over the last ten years to build a bridge. He was beyond my reach. It seemed that of the children, I, his firstborn, was the one he could live without.

To touch his heart, I had even sent him a photo of him and me, one that I thought would rend his heartstrings and make him call me. In the picture, I was two or three years old and he was a mere twenty-five. It didn't rend anything except my heart, that he could look at that image of him and me and look away.

So now he's dead and there's no chance for reconciliation in this lifetime. I had tried to prepare myself that this could happen, that only in heaven would we find understanding. But now it's final and that brings a grief that is deeper than black. I have to keep reminding myself that his silence isn't something I can read with certainty--maybe there was love there, after all, and maybe some intent to reconcile, someday. Maybe.

It's a good thing that I believe in eternity, and in God's mercy, and in miracles, and in life forever. Otherwise this would be absolutely unbearable.

A father's love, the touch of his hand on your head in blessing, is a potent thing. Bestowed, it can bring life and blessing. Withheld, it has the power to destroy.

It's no wonder that Goneril and Regan lied so ornately to their father Lear, and that Jacob put on goatskins to steal Isaac's love from Esau.

Fathers, take note. Give life. Give love. Bless each daughter and son today.

Not tomorrow. Today.

"What shall Cordelia do? Love, and be silent." King Lear Act I, Scene I, 62

by jwarletta 

A Psalm of Mourning for a Forgotten Daughter

God Sends Your Consolation

Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house.
The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Psalm 45: 10-11

iron in fire by isotonic

Fire and Iron

"If fire and iron could reason and if the iron said to the fire: 'Draw me,' that would prove its wish to be so identified with the fire as to share its very substance. Well, that is just what my prayer is. I ask Jesus to draw me into the flames of his love and to unite me so closely to Him that he lives and acts in me. I feel that the more the fire of love encompasses my heart, the more I shall say: 'Draw me,' and the more will those souls who are near to mine 'run swiftly in the sweet odour of the Beloved.'

Yes, they will run and we shall run together, for souls on fire cannot stay still."

St. Therese of Lisieux
The Story of a Soul

pain by girl 

Pain

When it Seems Beyond Purpose

On the first of this month, there appeared in the national news a story about a little girl who could feel no pain. (Ashlyn Blocker) Not to be envied, this little girl lacks the essential chemical that communicates pain sensation throughout her nervous system. She must be sheltered in an extraordinary way, and lives on the edge of disaster simply because she cannot feel the important warnings that pain provides.

Much was said about this at the time, about how we should be thankful for pain, etc. Pain is essential, the way our body tells us that something is wrong. Without pain, we can't protect ourselves. True, to a point. But it must also be said that sometimes pain seems to be an entity without, or beyond, any physical purpose.

I tried to balance all of this in my mind as I was in my second week of a slowly ratcheting migraine. By Saturday and Sunday, the pain had become so intense that I was back in that dark place, away from lights and people and the whole world. It is a place that only migraineurs understand. There have been times when the migraines have taken over, and I have suffered periods of short-term disability. Once I had a headache that lasted for four months without any relief--without a single hour of relief. In my heart of hearts, I live with the fear that the pain could come to stay, and never leave. This kind of pain doesn't seem like a friend or spiritual ally.

There are other kinds of pain, as well. One of my family members lives with chronic pain. Every day, she has to take pain pills for a debilitating condition for which there is no hope of recovery. It won't kill her, but only portends to cause her great pain for the rest of her life. Sometimes the pain pills help, sometimes they don't. She is a valiant soldier in faith, clinging to God and facing each day with whatever courage she can muster. I admire her more than I can say. Only God knows what purpose this pain serves.

Another person I knew suffered from such terrible depression that it couldn't be relieved by antidepressants, therapy or any earthly remedy. Now all I have left is to pray for her after her death. What purpose did her psychological pain serve?

So that's the darker side of pain. There are things that we don't understand. We like to think that science has all of the answers--that even pain can be explained. The truth is though, that in the darkest of nights, when we are alone with our pain, we have nowhere to turn but to our merciful Father. Only He can hold us close and soothe us, not with an explanation--He doesn't owe us that--but with love that surpasses pain.

This love is evident in prayer. In Scripture, we are instructed to pray for the sick. We need to do more of this for one another, I believe. There is nothing so comforting as the arms of a dear friend around you, pleading for God's mercy in your pain. If you are suffering, have the humility to ask a friend or family member to pray for you, to enter with you into God's presence. Remember, too, that the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick is not reserved for the dying, but for the living who need to feel the nearness of Gods' love.

By the grace of God I can stand as a witness to this love. There are times when the pain is so bad that I can't see beyond it, with my eyes or with my spirit. But God does not abandon the heart that calls His name. It is a mystery that I cannot explain, but only proclaim to others who are reaching out into the darkness. Call on Him, for He is faithful.

He is faithful.

hook by gringito 

The Fishhook

"Now love is like a fishhook. A fisher cannot catch a fish unless the fish first picks up the hook. If the fish swallows the hook, no matter how it may squirm and turn, the fisher is certain of the fish. Love is the same way. Whoever is captured by love takes up this hook in such a fashion that foot and hand, mouth and eyes, heart and all that is in that person must always belong to God.

Therefore, look only for this fishhook, and you will be happily caught. The more you are caught, the more you will be liberated."

Meister Eckhart

crowd by livinus 

It is Among You

Asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, he (Jesus) said in reply,
"The coming of the kingdom of God cannot be observed, and no one will announce, 'Look, here it is,' or, 'There it is.' For behold, the kingdom of God is among you."

Luke Chapter 17

swim by milca 

Bath of Rebirth

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, deluded, slaves to various desires and
pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful ourselves and hating one another.
But when the kindness and generous love of God our savior appeared,
not because of any righteous deeds we had done but because of his mercy,
he saved us
through the bath of rebirth and renewal by the holy Spirit,
whom he richly poured out on us through Jesus Christ our savior,
so that we might be justified by his grace and become heirs in hope of eternal life.

Titus Chapter 3

jefras at sxc.hu 

An Invisible Ocean

"But let me tell you this: faith comes and goes. It rises and falls like the tides of an invisible ocean.. If it is presumptuous to think that faith will stay with you forever, it is just as presumptuous to think that unbelief will. Leaving the Church is not the solution, but since you think it is, all I can suggest to you...is that if you find in yourself the least return of a desire for faith, to go back to the Church with a light heart and without the conscience-raking to which you are probably subject. Subtlety is the curse of man. It is not found in the deity."

Flannery O'Connor
The Habit of Being

Aurora Borealis

Noticing What's Barely There

Last night my beloved and I were driving back from having supper with friends, when we noticed faint rays of light stretching across the Iowa sky, from the North. It was probably about nine o'clock, and too late for any sunset, but there wasn't any moonlight, either. The pale, white rays seemed to undulate slightly, and toward the West, they even had a little reddish glow to them, dancing with the yellow-white.

It didn't take us too long to realize that we were glimpsing something special, the aurora borealis, or Northern Lights. I'd seen bits of them before, on midwinter nights, but never had I seen half the sky traced out with them like a filmy curtain that way. We drove out on a country road, away from the lights of towns, to get a better view.

It was cold, and so we didn't stand outside the car for long, but for a while we just stood there praising God for the pulsing, slowly shifting waves of magnet-light. In some places, the rays grew like towers; in others, it was softer, like feathers. Today, it makes me think about the Psalm referring to the "shadow of God's wings." Wow, we kept saying. Thanks be to God! We were in wonder, at how great it was, and yet, how easily we could have missed it, if we had let the dashboard lights of the car absorb us, as we drove.

Such subtle beauty, and so unexpected. God just can't get over loving us, you know? His abundant grace is subtle, yet beyond imagining. No matter what we do, no matter how we mess up, He insists on giving us His best. We don't deserve it. "Look at this," He says. "I came up with something amazing for you today...it's my best, it's from my heart and it's especially for you. I'm hoping that you notice the love...that maybe you'll even notice me."

Thanks, God, for unexpected waves of light, and unexpected waves of love.

overworked by donners 

Consolation

In the midst of your work console yourself with Him as often as you can.

Ask Him for His grace and offer Him your heart from time to time during the day...at every moment if you are able.

Offer Him your heart in faith, with love and humility.

Brother Lawrence
Selections from Letter IV, The Practice of the Presence of God

Isatori wing 

Almighty Wings

Psalms 17
I call upon you; answer me, O God. Turn your ear to me; hear my prayer.
Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings

Mother by tiion